I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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