tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
