i just wanna soil my oats bro
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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