so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I deserve this hangover.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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