:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
