you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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