Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
