I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
50% drunk capacity currently
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk is not a location!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
