There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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