you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
