I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
