I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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