tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
