loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
