I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
