and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
