Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
