Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize