playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
