how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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