I just saw a hot homeless man
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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