Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
