it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
