I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
