Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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