I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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