your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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