apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
