Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So many bounce houses so little time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
