New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
