Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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