The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
COCAINE IS GR8
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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