tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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