you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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