Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
