Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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