My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
