Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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