Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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