i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
why is half of my head shaved?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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