we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
