Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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