Sry I called you an 8
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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