I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
