you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
