he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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