Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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