know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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