We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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