i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want you more than these girls want KFC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
