so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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