Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
