defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
