I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You left your phone here
Wait...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
