I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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