the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
