U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
