I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
