yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
