You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
