she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize