the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
