he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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