We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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