Me. At least after what I've been through.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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