i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
