Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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