i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
