Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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