u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
