Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
