would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
