dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
