ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
