I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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